On Friday the 23rd and Sunday the 25th of March 2018, after about 6 months of writing and planning, and a lifetime of varied life experiences, conscious and subconscious inspirations, so many years of writing down and accumulating ideas in secret notepads, and then tiring people who had to listen to my crazy dreams – I finally directed my first short film.
The days were long and arduous but exhilarating. I felt like a fish that had finally dived into the sea after spending a lifetime in a fish tank, imagining the sensations the sea would arouse.
This is such a life-defining moment that I am compelled to write about my journey…
A 15-year long journey
Before I shot my first short film, I used to obsessively think about where the last 15 years – because that was how long ago I naively uttered the words ‘I can make a better film than that’ – had gone. The more I thought about them, the more I used to beat myself up for (what I considered to be) squandered time. Now, I am much more confident that I will not be obsessed with the past.
Well, it’s not because I now understand this to be form of violence and unkindness to my soul – I knew that before too, but I struggled to stop blaming myself. It’s actually because I now have a tangible, creation of mine, that has been a result of creating on a daily basis and learning to truly live in the present moment.
And, subsequently I have now reached a place of understanding, acceptance and peace within myself because now I can say and believe that time has not passed in vain, rather these last 15 years have been my personal journey towards the actualisation of my dreams.
“Your journey has moulded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you’ve lost time. There is no short-cutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.” (Asha Tyson)
My journey – because it was shaped by my unique life circumstances, my unique experiences that were made up of obstacles and achievements whose relevance I did not understand at the time.
My journey – because it should not be compared to anyone else. And because of these things, it was inevitable for my journey to take as long as it did, just like it may be inevitable for another person’s journey to take as long as it does.
Now, I can also appreciate how necessary my journey of 15 years was, just so that I – shaped by my own unique circumstances and experiences – could finally get to a place spiritually and physically where I could begin to do what was meaningful to me.